How Do You Respond To Feedback?

Have you ever played a game as a child where you
had to find something and all the other
participants would call out whether you were hot
or cold? If you were hot then you were getting
closer and with cold you were searching further
away from what you wanted to find. This was
particularly great fun over Easter when looking
for the last chocolate bunnies.

Feedback is exactly the same. You get clues that
tell you whether you are hot or cold. These clues
may be presented by a person or by a thing. In
either case the feedback is giving you advice as
to whether you are hot or cold in your quest
towards your goal.

One of the worst ways to respond to feedback is
to cave in and quit. When you were a child, and
wanted that last chocolate Easter bunny, you
weren’t about to give in until that bunny was
found, preferably by yourself.

You didn’t give up because you really wanted
that chocolate. As we get older we become more
reluctant to listen to that hot and cold
feedback. We give up before you find that
chocolate treat. We quit when the search gets
too hard or we have far too many ‘cold’ calls.

Our perception of the feedback changed. When
we were kids the calls for hot and cold were
fun, part of a game. We didn’t mind if we got
a cold call. It was just information which we
used to try and steer ourselves closer to our
chocolate.

As we get older we think of these calls as
being criticism. When somebody tells us that
we are going in the wrong direction we imply
that they are telling us that we are bad,
incompetent, useless, stupid, or one of the
many other destroyers of self-confidence. We
take the feedback personally rather than
constructively.

Yet it is just information that we are
receiving. We are being told that we are
going the wrong way. We are not being told
that we are stupid. Yet if we take it as that,
we miss the opportunity to for course
correction. If we reject the information and
consider it as a negative attack all we
accomplish is further damage to our self worth.

Getting angry at the person giving the feedback
is also counterproductive. Stop taking feedback
personally and rather consider it to be
information designed to help you adjust your
path and find the right way forward.

What would help you reach your goal more
quickly? To get mad at the person who is trying
to teach you or to listen to him or her and try
to improve your game? One would think that this
is a no brainer of a question. Yet how often do
we get mad at people who give us feedback?

When receiving feedback, don’t take it personally;
take the feedback as information meant to help you
along your way. Also don’t get angry at the person
providing you with feedback. Rather take it under
consideration and be thankful for the directions
you are receiving.

How To Overcome The Rejection

Everyone faces opposition to their goals.
Whatever direction we are trying to take in our
life, there will be occasions where things just
do not go our way. One of these obstacles will
be rejection.

There are two ways to handling this in a
positive manner. The first one is to learn not
to take rejection personally. Don’t think of
them as weapons being used against you. There is
not a conspiracy by other people to make sure
that you don’t succeed.

On the contrary many people are eager to help us
get further in life. The fact that there are
individuals and organizations who don’t accept
your request has nothing to do with you personally.
It simply means that this particular request was
not right either for you or the other party involved.

It is important to understand this and to make it
a practice not to take rejection personally. When
somebody or some organization tells you that you or
your request is not suitable for their business,
team, or situation, don’t take it personally. It
really is not about you.

Everybody in this world is looking after themselves
more than they look after others. People work first
and foremost in their own best interests. If the
offering or talent you present does not fit into
their best interests you are not accepted. It is not
you; it is most likely a combination of timing and
circumstances.

The second skill you need to learn is to look forward.
If you have received a rejection from one source, ask
for feedback, review the possible reasons, and then
try somebody else or modify your request to overcome
the objections.

Don’t look backwards, continue to look forward. Just
because a particular person didn’t think your request
fit into their capability or needs, doesn’t mean that
there isn’t someone else out there who needs what you
have to offer.

J K Rowling, the extremely successful author of the
Harry Potter books, had many rejections before her first
book was accepted. If any book should have been snapped
up by publishers one would have thought Harry Potter
would have been it. But, there were at least 12 publishers
who didn’t see this gem when it was presented to them.

How do you know whether your gem will be spotted the first
time around, or even the twentieth time? You don’t know.
So don’t look backwards when someone says “no.” Look forward
and call out - next!

6 Ways to Ask for What You Want

It’s difficult for most of us to ask for help. We often fear that our request for help will be denied and we sometimes even expect that we will be rejected. To avoid the pain of this rejection we choose not to ask.

Here are five ways to make asking for help much easier. It will be worth your while to make a note of these tips when needing to ask for help. Being able to ask for help will make your life so much easier to navigate.

Tip 1. Ask as if you expect to receive help. A positive mindset will help you ask with greater confidence. You expect this help, you deserve to receive help and the person you are asking is happy to help. In fact they truly want to help you.

The difference between the two ways of asking is all in your expectation. Either you don’t expect to be helped or you do. The positive expectation will make your approach much friendlier; your mood will be lighter and you will cope with the whole process a lot better. Even if you get a no, you won’t take the rejection personally.

Tip 2. Assume you can. Don’t allow negativity into your mind. You will have a greater chance of finding a parking spot if you assume you will get one, than if you assume you won’t. Assume you will get a ticket to a show, a scholarship, a raise or the job. Assume the best for yourself and more often than not you will receive it.

Tip 3. Ask someone who can provide the help you need. Find out who is the right person by asking who can provide me with the answer, who is the person in charge, or who would you need to speak to in order to...? Researching who the right person or organization is will go a long way towards achieving success. Asking the right person will contribute hugely to your success.

Tip 4. Be clear and specific. When asking for help identify what you need help with. Be specific and be prepared to explain how the assistance will impact you

We tend to find it easy to ask for smaller things. If we need a baby sitter we know exactly what date and time you need a sitter for your children. It’s the bigger problems that we want find difficult to identify specifics. It is likely because we don’t feel comfortable admitting we need help.

Tip 5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important principles of success is persistence. Don’t give up. Whenever you ask people to help you achieve our goal or solve your problem there will be some who say no. They might have other priorities, commitments and other reasons why they cannot help you. It’s not a reflection on you.

Get used to the idea that you will have some rejections along the way. Not everybody will be the right person to ask or will have the time to spend with you. If/when you are told no, follow up by asking for a referral to someone who can help.

Tip 6. Be sure to thank those you ask whether they agree to assist you or not. An attitude of gratitude will keep that door open for future requests.

La falsa moneda - Buika

I just really love the sound of this music...I think I could listen to it all day!

Let's Get Motivated

What's your motivation? What's keeps you going when you
sometimes do not feeling like continuing on? Do you have a
goal you want to accomplish? Are you trying to impress a loved
one? Are you motivated for health reasons? Well, whatever
your motivation is, let's get motivated and let stay motivated.

Motivated people get things done. Motivated people do not
procrastinate or hesitate when it comes time to do something.
Motivated people are successful people and successful people
are motivated people. You will never achieve success if you are
not motivated. A person's desire to be successful is their motivation.
Money could be your motivation, fame could be your motivation or
even wanting to help other people could be a motivation for you.
I believe that there is something that motivates everyone to do
something whether it is a negative or a positive motivator. Positive
motivation is what yields positive results and a positive lifestyle.

Self motivation is your ability to satisfy your desires or goals
without having to be influence by someone else. Self motivation
to me is the key to a healthy and successful life. Self motivation
puts you in control. You do not have to wait on someone to get
moving or get going. You encourage and motivate yourself. Self-
motivation along with self-esteem is what leads to self-improvement.
Self motivation helps you build your confidence in yourself. Self
motivated people are the leaders of the pack. Self motivated people
run and own the companies your work for and buy from. Self
motivated people do not make excuses they make the rules you
live by.

Now whether you need a little push to get going or not, that does not
matter. What matters is that you get moving and doing something
productive in life. Motivated people live longer, healthier and
successful lives than procrastinators and complainers. "So let's get
motivated and stop complaining!"
Kevin J Houston
“Motivating and Encouraging People For Life"
http://www.kevinjhouston.com
Blog: http://www.kevinjhouston.com/weblog

Check The Bottom Line

You’ve written down your goals, you’ve put
together an action plan, and now you are r
eady to go for it. Before you launch yourself
into prolonged activity it might be worth it
to work out what the bottom line will be when
you’ve achieved success.

Working out the bottom line means you work
out what the costs will be. The costs are
not necessarily only associated with
financial costs but may also be broader and
include relationship and personal costs,
time and resources costs.

Let’s have a look at the financial costs
first. If your goal is to get promoted and
move up the corporate ladder, or learn a
new skill you will want to go back to
school. You may determine that an MBA will
enhance your career prospects and assist
with your achieving your goal.

The financial costs involved in attaining
an MBA can be staggering. A good Business
School will cost you about $40,000 for
tuition. Over and above that you will need
books, and other supplies, as well as
several hours per day to work on the
program. Full time attendance will require
you to give up work; part time attendance
will extend the length of the program to
about 2 years.

Will you be able to put your other
commitments on the back burner for this
period of time? Will your family, friends,
and co-workers support your efforts? There
are many couples that get divorced when
one of the partners attempts such a
strenuous learning program. Will your
relationship survive?

Determining the true cost of your goal is
critically important. Discovering half way
through your plan that the end result is
going to cost more than you can pay in
money, emotion, time, or energy will mean
you will wasted an enormous amount of time
and effort on a goal that is beyond your
means.

I don’t write this to discourage you. Rather
I write this to help you map out your plan
in detail. Consider the implications of each
step of your goal and work to find ways to
accomplish them.

Tomorrow’s posting is about asking for help.
Until then, have a great day!

What Does It Take?

Hard Work and More Hard

In an interesting book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers, he makes the point over and over again that the people or groups of people who really make it put in at least 10,000 hours of work before they are remotely near becoming successful.

As an example Gladwell talks about the Beatles. The Beatles were a fairly mediocre band from Liverpool who played in quite small venues. They ended up going across to Hamburg to play there because they found more girls were interested in them and they could get drunk every night; important requirement for young men.

But what they had to do in Hamburg was play endless gigs. Hour after hour of performances later and they came back to the UK a much more polished band. Besides the practice they also had to cover other songs because their own repertoire was not extensive enough to fill the hours of time they had to play.

This meant their own music improved as they took on board some of the good music they were playing in their performances. Their own compositions were enriched by this experience as well as the standard of their musicianship. The many hours of practice and playing paid off once they came back to the UK.

It is often said by highly talented people that the only difference between talented people is that the successful ones work much harder. There are many people with similar talents but only very few manage to get ahead and make their mark.

This is equally true for musicians, artists, film makers, business people, explorers, sports people and any other field of specialization you can think of. It even applies to remote areas of interest such as tiddlywinks or spinning a top. The kid that is ahead of the pack and able to beat his opponent has practiced more.

This principle of putting in the practice is important to remember when somebody is trying to sell you a service or product that will save you all the practice time. View with suspicion. This applies to offers that promise you to be able to speak a new language in five weeks or make a ton of money in twenty four hours, or run a marathon with one month’s training.

None of these will work. But what attracts people to these false promises is the belief that all things come easily. People do believe that achievements can be overnight. Weight loss is just around the corner just drink berry juice. Or you can play the piano straight away by just following the notes being played by your electric keyboard.

How do you approach your goals? Do you believe that they will just come along without any hard work or have you looked at them realistically and realized that the only way you will reach them is through hard work and perseverance?

Is this the reason why there are so few highly successful people and so many people who are prepared to live an ok kind of life? It all boils down to putting in the effort, working hard at it and doing this as long as it takes to achieve your goal.

Nothing Beats Practice

All things being equal whether talent, intelligence, creativity, ability or inclination the one thing that distinguishes people is the amount of practicing they do. A football player will have similar talent to other players. What gets him to play for the big clubs and his national side is his dedication to practice.

The same applies to all aspects of your life. What will distinguish you from others in your field will be the amount of dedication you have towards making yourself expert in that area by practicing at it.

Think of an area in your life where you typically shine; a discipline in which you are excellent. How did you get there? Did you work hard at it and add practice to improve on your talents?

The same applies to the leaders in their field. They have taken their talents and have added enormous amounts of work and practice to them in order to be the leaders. The pianist who makes it as a concert performer will have practiced harder than one who never quite makes the cut and ends up teaching piano and performing in the church hall.

The great breakthroughs in scientific discoveries have been by people who have worked long hours and with immense dedication. The golfing legend Gary Player used to say that the harder he worked the luckier he got on the golf course.

Focus your attention on what you wish to achieve. This may be in any area of your life whether it involves being a good parent, a contributing member of the community or a coach of your local kid’s baseball team.
Spend time learning and acquiring knowledge, working as a volunteer, spending extra hours with each child and monitoring progress. In each instance spend time on practicing the skills required for the task.

You are able to learn and practice in every area of your life. If you want to be a better parent, then read parenting books, join a support group or have sessions with a family counselor. Work with your children and communicate to see where your relationship may be improved. Put effort into the task.

The same applies to being a member of your community. Put in additional work to learn how to be a valuable member. Volunteer, learn new skills that you can contribute with, offer to run a class at the local centre, take part in fundraising efforts or attend a youth leadership course so that you can become a meaningful team member.

Every part of your life will be enhanced if you spend time learning and practicing the skills required. The same applies to every goal you set yourself. If you want to be at the top, the most successful in whatever you aspire to then you have to practice harder than anybody else.

What makes a tennis player win a tournament is certainly talent and ability. But what makes that player beat other competitors is more practice than anybody else. They have put more effort into their work whether that is training on court, eating the right food, gym training or motivational training.

 The winners spend more time at practice. Ensure you have practice time built into your plan for your success and you will achieve what you have set out to do no matter what the goal.

Be willing to do what it takes

You’ve set your goals, made your plans and are now ready 

to roll towards your dream. Are you really willing to do 

what it takes? Will you put everything on the line to 

achieve your dream or will you give up because in the end 

the sacrifice was too much?

This does not mean “anything” in the sense of unethical, 

illegal, or immoral action. It does, however, mean 

personal sacrifice. There are many examples of this 

principle to choose from. The winners are the ones who 

have sacrificed everything. 

When we see a "winner" we are looking at the culmination 

of years of sacrifice and effort. Lance Armstrong makes it

look easy to ride a bicycle up a mountain. Tiger Woods 

makes it look easy to shoot 9 under par. The Williams 

sisters make tennis look as simple as a game of pong.

The reality is that the Tiger Woods of this world gave up 

their youth to spend on the golf course. The Williams 

sisters gave up their childhood to play tennis. Tom Daley, 

the youngest competitor for Great Britain in the Beijing 

Olympics, spends all his free time working on his diving. 

He is giving up most of what the normal teenager 

entertains himself with. He is doing what it takes to 

become a world championship winning diver.

It’s easy to see this dedication in sports people. We see 

the results of their sacrifice. But there are many people 

who are as willing to do what it takes without having the 

fame and fortune that the sports world gives to its heroes. 

These are the successful people in all walks of life.

You might want to become a doctor. That means you will 

have to study very hard at school to ensure you gain the 

knowledge expected dispensed by the medical school. Once 

you finish medical school you can expect to work long 

hours during an internship, as you prove that you learned 

and have the myriad skills required to be a good doctor. 

What are you willing to sacrifice to attain this goal?

Your goal might be to become a manager in your company. 

This might involve studying in the evenings and working 

week-ends. Or you might want to get an MBA because you 

hope this will get you the promotion you are striving for. 

There will be times on your journey when you feel that 

your goal is not worth the sacrifices you making. What 

will stop you? What other commitments, distractions, and 

hurdles will you allow to get the better of you?

One reason people fail to achieve their goal, one thing 

they do not anticipate accurately is how effort and time 

it will take to make it happen. If you do not anticipate 

what you will have to give up to make it a reality, the 

sacrifices will be even more difficult to make.

If you want to achieve your goal then be prepared to do 

what it takes.

Creating a Leverage

What does "Creating Leverage" mean and how does that help you get what you want? Many people find that they can leverage a goal by promising themselves a reward for achieving small steps along the way, or even a major reward for accomplishing the goal. Positive leverages work well for goals that involve sacrifice along the way. Goals such as a weight loss, or saving money. Small rewards along the way provide additional encouragement that may not be forthcoming from your support group.

The problem that I have found with positive rewards, however, is that they often just do not carry enough power to get you through the tough times. During the really strong moments of temptation to slip back and ignore the goal a positive reward is easily blown off. “I don’t really want to…anyway,” is a common mind game played with a positive reward. For this reason I recommend that you incorporate negative leverages for the first few times.

How does that work? If you associate enough pain to something (think negatively about it with feeling), you will easily over come the temptation to skip a work out, eat an extra slice of pizza, or cut class. In order for this to work you must be brutally honest with yourself and you will need an accountability partner.

Step one is to identify the major goal and the milestone associated with achieving that goal. Write these down on a calendar with hard dates (deadlines) for achieving each step.

Step two is to identify the leverage. This part requires honesty on your part. The more honest you are the more powerful the leverage will be. Write down three core values that you feel very strongly about. This can be a very simple step – for example are you a liberal, a conservative, a libertarian? Are you very religious, an atheist, an environmentalist? Do you feel strongly about animal rights? You get the idea.

Step three is the fun part. Next to each of these three values write the antithesis value. Conservative – Liberal. Animal rights – animal testing. Environmentalist – Slash and burn etc. Now identify a group or cause the represents the antithesis of for example if you are a liberal you could write the Republican National Committee or Rush Limbaugh. If you are conservative you can write Nancy Pelosi, the DNC, or maybe the ACLU.

Step four involves your accountability partner. This cannot be a spouse, or girlfriend/boyfriend. I use PayPal for this part because it is the easiest way that I know how to do it. Basically your partner will invoice you a repeating payment to charge your card on each of the dates set up in step one. The amount of the charges should total an amount that will cause you pain to loose., but not enough to make you lose your house, apartment etc. It should, however, be enough that will not be able to take that family vacation. Does this give you leverage to get what you want? You bet it does! :)

If you achieve your milestone your accountability partner will refund the charge to your card. If you don’t make the milestone the charge will stick and your accountability partner will donate it, in your name, to the organization that most represents the antithesis of your core values.

Do not under estimate the power of this leverage. It is no longer a small reward for achieving the goal, nor is it simply a bit of money. Rather it is a significant amount of money and it is going to support something that you strongly oppose. Once you show your brain enough *pain*, you will have created leverage that will empower you to overcome any temptation or obstacle which has stood in the way of achieving what you want.

Think of the thing you want, but you are not getting. One of the reasons you might not be getting it is because you don't really think you can. That thought pattern is stopping you from getting it, and that's what you want to work on. If you are unwilling to accept this challenge you are admitting before you start that you have no intention of achieving this goal.

You need a leverage to help you get through the tough times, the tempting times, the moments when you are weak or think you want to give up. This leverage is the powerful tool I know of to help you achieve goals, over come obstacles, and maybe even leap tall buildings with a single bound.

If you are interested in creating a leverage and want an accountability coach, contact me and I’ll be glad to help you. I do charge a very small fee for this to cover the PayPal charges and my times spent in setting it up, but I can tell you that almost everyone who accepts this leverage achieves their goal on time.

Have a great Labor Day Weekend!

Thanks for reading.

6 Tips to Push Your Achievements into Overdrive

Here are six special ways to give your goals some much needed impetus. Use these tips to energize your campaign, to achieve your goals and to keep them top of mind at all times.

1) Identify your main goal. Whatever your main goal is, the one that you absolutely want to achieve, should be your main focus.

2)Make sure your goal stretches you. Ensure that this goal will push you further than you might think you are capable of going. Pick one that you really want to achieve where there is already some burning desire and amplify it, make it further than you imagined at the beginning. Make sure that achieving this goal will truly make you stretch yourself.

3)Once you have identified this goal record it in great detail. Of course, you can use whatever means work the best for you. Some people are best at working with words, most people however will prefer the visual aspect, but combining visual, auditory, and written word will create the most value.

4)From your newly created details, pull out the most important statement and write this one on a piece of paper that you are able to carry with you at all times and post it where you will see it through out the day.
Now that you have your main goal written down in short hand, don’t neglect it. Take out that piece of paper at least three times a day and study the words. Read them with concentration and make a positive statement involving the completion of your goal.

5) To give your goals a turbo boost of energy use a symbolic gesture to confirm that you have achieved this. If your goal is to earn a large amount of money, write a check or create a bank statement that shows that large sum of money in the bank. Put this somewhere where you can see it. Find something that represents your goal at the moment of achievement. Make it physical and touchable.

6)Finally create a leverage for achieving your goal. Tomorrow's post will be about how to create an effective leverage. Don't underestimate the power of this tool!